


Ad Astra Per Aspera

by Infinitefleurs



Series: Dum Amo, Vivo [6]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: "oh arcade if only there was someone who loved you" is basically the title of this, Hurt/Comfort, Legion-Aligned Courier, M/M, Nightmares, i wanted to be an awful person, ikr legion aligned seb sounds incredibly wrong but it is what it is, nothing explicit in here but i feel like it should be m-rated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 08:36:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15626898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infinitefleurs/pseuds/Infinitefleurs
Summary: “Wait, wait, wait a second. What’s going on? Am I playing Virgil to your Dante? I'd like to assume we’re tiptoeing into the mouth of hell out of academic curiosity, but I'm not so open-minded that I’ve lost my brains.”“Let’s just listen to him, figure out what he’s up to, then get out. Simple as that.”“Short of cancelling our immediate travel plans, that’s the best thing you could've said. Still, be careful. If we travel at Caesar’s pleasure, he might not let us out as easy as he lets us in.”It was funny, really. How the Courier always seemed to know what to say. And it was funny how Arcade fell for it every single time. Well… that part was more sad than funny, really, but Arcade figured that was how most tragedies worked. Loverswerepoor confidants, but now he was starting to think he was just plain cursed. There might not be science behind it, but nothing else could even begin to explain it.Or, Arcade struggles to wrap his head around the fact that the Courier was now helping a group of slaving marauders wearing skirts take over New Vegas.





	Ad Astra Per Aspera

**Author's Note:**

> first things first i _did_ do a legion run just to be able to write this fic but like trust me when i say i'd never sell arcade to the legion because only evil people do that and while i'm awful i'm not evil
> 
> that being said im sorry abt this lmao

Arcade should’ve realized sooner that it would all go downhill the moment Sebastian decided to “hear Caesar out.” Arcade, obviously, was skeptical about the whole ordeal but he trusted Sebastian’s instincts. Still, he couldn’t help but voice his concern over the matter.

_ “Wait, wait, wait a second. What’s going on? Am I playing Virgil to your Dante? I'd like to assume we’re tiptoeing into the mouth of hell out of academic curiosity, but I'm not so open-minded that I’ve lost my brains.” _

_ “Let’s just listen to him, figure out what he’s up to, then get out. Simple as that.” _

_ “Short of cancelling our immediate travel plans, that’s the best thing you could've said. Still, be careful. If we travel at Caesar’s pleasure, he might not let us out as easy as he lets us in.” _

It was funny, really. How the Courier always seemed to know what to say. And it was funny how Arcade fell for it every single time. Well… that part was more sad than funny, really, but Arcade figured that was how most tragedies worked. Lovers  _ were  _ poor confidants, but now he was starting to think he was just plain cursed. There might not be science behind it, but nothing else could even begin to explain it.

The doctor hadn’t been allowed inside the tent, but it didn’t take a smart man to know what Caesar had been telling the Courier. And so, when he stepped out, Arcade had  _ more _ than a few things to say.

_ “What a load of brahmin shit! Can you believe that guy?” _

_ “I don’t think either of us can fully understand what he and the tribes have gone through.” _

_ “A fair point, but from the perspective of someone  _ west  _ of the Colorado, that man is clearly out of his mind. Maybe he didn’t intend for things to wind up this way, but that doesn't mean he needs to perpetuate this bizarre anachronistic myth. And it doesn't mean that we should sit by and nod our heads at every faux-Roman  _ casus belli  _ he can dream up. He’s a tyrant. The bad kind. And there’s no way we’re letting him take Hoover Dam.” _

Just for one, brief moment, the Courier seemed to listen to him.

It had looked like it, anyways. The Courier explained that Caesar had wanted them to destroy whatever was in Mr. House’s bunker, but what they’d do was the opposite of that, to help them once they’ve secured New Vegas’ independence. After that, all was left to do was get the NCR, Legion, and House out of the picture. Which was… easier said than done, now that Arcade thought about it. But he had faith in Sebastian. And while he seemed to be openly supporting the Legion, which was the exact thing Arcade had told him  _ not  _ to do, he could only hope this was part of some elaborate plan to earn the trust of the Legion, then bring them down from the inside. Like some Trojan horse thing.

Still, there was this uneasiness that resided within Arcade. Something about all of this felt very wrong, especially since they had just blown up Hidden Valley. True enough, the Brotherhood of Steel weren’t the nicest group around, but Arcade liked to think they were simply misguided; surely they didn’t deserve getting buried under a ton of rubble.

They were on their way back to Cottonwood Cove now, but Arcade pulls Sebastian aside for a quick moment, eyebrows furrowed in frustration. “...Sebastian.”

“...Yeah? What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? We just blew up the Brotherhood, and majority of the Mojave is shooting at us. So,  _ please,  _ Sebastian, help me understand this ‘plan’ of yours, because it just seems like we’re helping Caesar and his lackeys roll over Hoover Dam. That’s bad, and we’re bad for helping them. I've told you not to do something obnoxious like this, otherwise I’ll…” He stops, suddenly unable to speak. Arcade swallows hard and looks at the Courier, who only looks at him with an expression that sends chills down his spine.

“You’ll what, Arcade?”

Arcade blinks, almost surprised at his response. Even more so at the expression on his face. It wasn’t anger, but… there was undoubtedly something sinister about it. There was an unsettling feeling in Arcade’s gut, but he opts to push it aside. “...What’s gotten into you?”

Suddenly his expression is gone, changing into what looked like confusion. “What do you mean? I’m perfectly fine. Now, you were saying?”

“...Nevermind. I know we’re partners and I trust you and all, but if you keep helping Caesar like this, we’re going to have a  _ serious  _ problem.” Arcade lets go of Sebastian’s hand and continues walking.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” The Courier quickly catches up with him, gently taking his hand. “I know this looks bad, but trust me, we’re going after Caesar now. I think we’ve done enough damage.”

Arcade looks unimpressed. “You think? But if that’s what you say, then fine.” He lets go of Sebastian’s hand, but the other only grabs onto his again. When Arcade turns to look at him, his expression immediately softens. Curse his emotions.

“Arcade… you know I love you, right? You know I wouldn’t  _ actually  _ help out the Legion.”

“I–” Arcade freezes for a moment, but quickly recovers and tugs him along. “I love you too. Come on, let’s just– forget this conversation ever happened.”

“Mhm,” Sebastian nods, and he gives Arcade’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry. You know you can trust me.”

“...Right.” The other had a tight grip on Arcade’s hand, and to him it felt… wrong. Arcade breathes out sigh, taking a quick glance up to the sky.  _ Whoever’s out there listening,  _ Arcade thinks,  _ please tell me I’m just being paranoid and my boyfriend isn’t turning into some homicidal maniac. _

The boat ride on the way to the Fort was eerily quiet, and it does nothing to help rest Arcade’s nerves. “...Sebastian, are you alright? You’re being… unusually quiet.”

“Mm? Ah… yes, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me so much.” Sebastian gives him a smile that  _ looked  _ gentle enough, but… under the moonlight it had looked  _ much _ more sinister. “You should look after yourself, Arcade. I wouldn’t want anything happening to you. I don’t know what I’d do.”

“...Right.” Arcade nods in reply, letting out a shaky breath. He shifts, opting to face away from the Courier. He stops– tenses up when Sebastian places a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you alright? You look unsettled.”

“Ah– Yeah, I’m fine,” Arcade replies, trying to sound at least a bit convincing. “It’s just cold, that’s all.”

“Ah,” Sebastian hums, then scoots over. Gently patting the spot next to him, his expression changes to something a bit more cheerful, just as he always looked. “Well, you’ve always told me how warm I was; come sit next to me.”

Arcade is silent for a moment, but nods and sits next to him, immediately huddling up next to him. “And I wasn’t wrong. I don't understand how you could possibly be warm. You know you can tell me if something’s wrong, right? I’m a little concerned.”

“I know that,” Sebastian nods, gently running his fingers through Arcade’s hair. “I already told you I’m fine, don’t worry. C’mon, I’m sure you’re just tired. Go to sleep, I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

“If you say so. But don’t forget why we’re going here,” Arcade mumbles, and not long after, he shuts his eyes and sleeps a dreamless sleep.

 

* * *

 

It’s still dark out when Arcade wakes, and when his eyes adjust to the light, it’s the Courier he sees first. “...We there yet?”

“Uh huh, just docked. Come on, we’re making this a quick visit,” Sebastian replies, an eager grin on his face. It only seems to grow when Arcade returns a smile. “A quick one-two punch, then we bounce out of here before the Legion kills us.”

“Thank God,” Arcade breathes out a smile of relief;  _ that  _ was the Sebastian he knew and loved. He could've done without the whole destruction of the Brotherhood and all, but he supposed the Courier did what he had to do. “Well, if we’re going to die here in a fiery blaze, we might as well take a few of these scumbags with us.”

“You know it.” Sebastian quickly jumps out of the boat, waiting for the other before making his way into the Fort.

Arcade follows suit, letting the Courier do most of the talking. Before Sebastian had gone inside the tent to confer with Caesar one last time, he made sure to give Arcade a little briefing, which wasn’t exactly a plan, now that he thought about it. Stay outside, and once he heard gunshots, start running. He didn't like the thought of leaving the Courier behind, but somehow he knew the other would find a way.

They had a 50-50 chance  _ at best  _ at getting out of there alive, but it was a chance regardless. Still, there was still something off about the whole thing, and Arcade had a feeling it wasn't just because of their makeshift plan. However, he doesn’t have time to think about it when he’s grabbed by two legionnaires. He immediately struggles, up to no avail.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?! Let go! Did you  _ not _ see me with the Courier?!”

“Quiet,  _ profligate.  _ Your Courier has sold you to the Legion, where you will serve as Caesar’s personal physician.”

Arcade freezes. Did he hear that right? No… that was definitely  _ not  _ in the plan.  _ Alright, alright, don’t panic,  _ he thinks.  _ Paranoia won't get you anywhere here. Just– try to rationalize the situation. Crack a joke if you can.  _ Maybe… maybe it was a last minute change? Arcade shakes his head.  _ Oh, forget it. He was playing you for a sap and you fell for it. Idiot. _ He manages to pull himself away. “Fine, I’ll come quietly, just don’t– come near me.” Arcade huffs, straightening out his coat before entering the tent, his expression a mix of anger and hurt.

From there, he could see Sebastian giving him a smug look, and Arcade had half a mind to just lunge at him and demand to know what exactly the hell he was thinking. Although, it appeared as he didn’t need to since the Courier approached him anyways. Arcade faces him, faking a smile. “Hey there, was it  _ always  _ your plan to sell me into slavery to Caesar, or was that a spur of the moment thing?” He asks, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Yeah, it kinda was. Sorry, I should’ve told you,” Sebastian replies, pulling up a chair to sit next to him. “But hey, aren’t you interested in preserving life?” He asks, giving Arcade a grin.

Arcade stares at him, clearly disgusted. Both at the Courier  _ and  _ his poor taste in lovers. Dating an associate of the Legion had to be an all time low for him. He shakes his head. “I know I shouldn’t place one life below another, but in Caesar’s case, I’ll make an exception. The whole “slavery and cultural annihilation” stance he’s adopted is a bit repugnant to me. But I guess what I think never really mattered much to you, did it?”

“Oh, you poor thing. Of course not.” Sebastian shakes his head, reaching over to gently caress Arcade’s cheek. His normally warm hand was cold to the touch, and what Arcade used to think was a sweet gesture was now revolting. The Follower shudders, pushing his hand away. “But listen, the world needs Caesar more than it needs you. I’m sure you understand.”

_ “Victrix causa diis placuit sed victa Catoni.  _ I understand completely.” The anger has completely faded from Arcade’s voice, leaving only heartbreak. “...Goodbye, Sebastian.”

“See? I knew you’d see things my way,” Sebastian replies, leaning in one last time to quickly press his forehead against Arcade’s. “Well, I have to get going; I have a schedule to keep. You… enjoy your stay here, I have a president to assassinate. Have a nice life, Arcade.” The Courier gets up and gives Arcade a two-fingered salute. He’s about to walk off when Arcade gently grabs his arm, keeping him there. “Mm, yes? Something else you need to say?”

“One last thing, just so I know we’re clear.” Arcade sighs, letting go of his arm. “All that time we spent, everything you said… all that meant nothing to you?” He holds in a breath, and the chilling expression has returned to Sebastian’s face. Arcade wills himself to look away, but something prevents him from doing so, keeping him locked on the Courier’s gaze.

“Not a word of it, I’m afraid. Look, Arcade, I didn't want to have to tell you like this, but… I never really loved you. But hey, you kept me patched up majority of the time, I guess I have to thank you for that. But now… now you have someone else that needs patching up. Honestly, I can’t believe you were this naïve. But don’t worry; I’ll make sure the Followers are fine after Hoover Dam. Anyways, I really should be going. See you around.”

“W-Wait, Sebastian! Don’t go–” Arcade quickly gets up from his seat, trying to catch up with the other. He reaches over, trying to grab the Courier’s arm, but he freezes on the spot when his hand merely phases through him. “What–” He tries again to chase after the other, but there’s a force that keeps him where he is, unable to move.

Sebastian glances at him over his shoulder and he keeps walking, soon disappearing from sight. “Goodbye, Arcade.”

_ “Sebastian, wait–!” _

 

* * *

 

Arcade wakes with a start, heart pounding in his chest. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and quickly reaches for his glasses on the nightstand. When he looks around, he sees he’s back in the Lucky 38, Sebastian sleeping soundly next to him. He takes the next few moments trying to regulate his breathing without much success. He blinks once, twice, and he inwardly curses the tears pricking the corner of his eyes.  _ Don’t. Don’t you dare– _

It doesn’t work. The next breath he takes is shuddered, and soon enough he feels tears rolling down his face. That had felt  _ way  _ too real. Arcade’s about to lie down and  _ try  _ to get back to sleep, as fruitless as it seemed, when Sebastian stirs. Arcade curses to himself again, quickly wiping his face.

Sebastian yawns, slowly sitting up. “Mm… you were calling me?” He wipes the sleep from his eyes, but when he sees Arcade in his state, he immediately frowns. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Ah– Nothing, nothing,” Arcade replies, voice barely above a murmur. “Something just… woke me up, is all. Go back to sleep.” If his voice hadn’t been shaky, Arcade would’ve sounded completely believable. Not only that, but a sniffle soon escapes him, and Sebastian is by his side in an instant.

“Doesn’t look like nothing to me,” Sebastian replies, reaching for his hand. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. I’m here for you.”

His hand was warm again, not cold and clammy like that fucked up dream sequence had, and somehow Arcade found comfort in that. Holding onto it tighter, he looks up to give Sebastian’s face a quick scan. His brows were furrowed, but his expression held nothing but concern. “I–” he starts, and just like that, the floodgates are open and his arms are around the Courier, face buried in his chest. Arcade prided himself in keeping a calm composure most of the time, but try as he might, he couldn’t seem to get it together. “Awful nightmare. You were in the Legion, I was a slave, and… you told me you never loved me.” Out of all he said, Arcade thinks the last part was the worst of them all.

“Hey, hey, I’m here, it’s okay.” Sebastian gently rubs Arcade’s back, holding him close. “Look at me,” he starts, voice soft, and when Arcade does so, he reaches over, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I would never do anything like that, okay? We’re here, and you’re gonna be alright. Legion’s gone, and so is the NCR. I love you, Arcade. Since the moment we met. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Well, that’s reassuring to hear,” Arcade mumbles through wet laughter. “Sorry, it just… felt real. But I love you too. I’ll tell my brain not to conjure up anything like that again, because frankly? That was brahminshit.”

Sebastian chuckles, running his hand through Arcade’s hair, not once letting go of him. “And I thought  _ my  _ nightmares were messed up. But don’t worry, I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.” 

Arcade reaches up, gently taking Sebastian’s face in his hands. “Still thinking about the Sierra Madre?”

“All the time.” The Courier nods, the smile on his face fading for a moment. “I missed you, but I wouldn't have wanted you there with me. Last thing I want is someone putting a bomb collar on you.”

“I wouldn't have minded– well, I would, but at least I’d have a way of knowing you were okay.” Arcade sighs, quickly pressing a kiss to Sebastian’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now, come on, it’s still night out. Think you can get back to sleep?”

“With you next to me? I think I can do that.” Arcade laughs, pushing Sebastian back down against the bed. He lies down after him, resting his head against the Courier’s chest.

“Can’t get to sleep without hearing my heartbeat, huh? You’re such a romantic, Arcade.”

“If you can even call it a heartbeat at this point,” Arcade retorts, gently smacking his face. “Go to sleep, you’re being incredibly cheesy again.”

“Not til you fall asleep first.”

“Be that way, then. Goodnight, Sebastian.”

“Goodnight, Arcade.”  
  
Arcade lets out one more chuckle before shutting his eyes. Despite the Courier’s words, Arcade could already hear him snoring away. Still as hopeless as ever. Well, in any regard, hearing a  _ goodnight  _ from him was a  _ lot  _ better than a goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> SIKE the day i write my courier being actually in the legion is the day i eat my arms that being said this got cliche insanely fast whoops
> 
> if you want to kill me my tumblr is infinitefleurs


End file.
